Now that I’m done with finals, reality has hit me: I have eight weddings to attend this year.
A normal person might gasp at this number in astonishment. So much fun! So many weddings presents! So many bachelorette parties! So much love! But two years ago, I had 11 weddings in one summer. In comparison, eight seems rather easy and dare I say, totally amateur-ish?
As a seasoned invitee, I happen to know weddings are the best excuse to go shopping. Chances are, this summer I am going to run into ex-boyfriends, old high school friends + family I haven’t seen in years. That means I need to look good. You know, like I haven’t hit my peak yet or developed crow’s feet or spent 15 minutes one morning last week pulling out gray hairs and belting Gypsies, Tramps + Thieves in my best Cher voice. You can’t see me, but I’m raising my Friday night can of PBR in hopes that I haven’t, in fact, peaked in life yet. Sadly, it’s too late on the crow’s feet and gray hairs.
The good news for us is that this is all solved by wearing colorful, patterned dresses. All it takes to deflect any notice of life’s general wear and tear on our young (yet still aging) bodies is bright colors + blinding patterns. It screams look at my dress and not at my wrinkly grandma hands.
Plus, most of these items are on the less expensive side. That leaves me more money to spend on heavy duty hand lotion, retinol night cream and hair dye. My roots have already thanked me.